I got back to Austin 3 days ago. Just walking outside of the airport I was already dripping in sweat. It’s been over 100 degrees everyday. Every summer it gets hotter, and especially here. Before I arrived here in Austin I went to Brooklyn. I flew from Stockholm to New York because why not? My mom and brother met me and we spent the day in Coney Island. I love New York! We only got on the wrong train twice. I felt like a badass in London riding the tube everywhere with no problems and a dumbass in Brooklyn having to ask for help multiple times. So annoying. Theres a meme I saw of Whitney Houston recently looking completely over it, it said “When you make plans with your family and then you remember why you never make plans with your family”. I love my family. Being so far away has made me see who is really there for me, but still…its family. I don’t mind getting lost and having to navigate myself, I do that all the time. Having to do it for other people is exhausting, don’t be mad mom. Coney Island was nice, the weather was perf. I haven’t been there in 7 years I think, of course I spent too much money in the gift shop and splurged at Nathan’s. Those fried clam strips! Theres something about the Atlantic Ocean that just brings me back, it’s a part of those childhood memories. I grew up going to Rehobeth Beach, DE and Ocean City, MD mostly but I feel at home being anywhere on the east coast. The next day we went to my hometown in DE. I was just there last month, but I’ve gone so many places in between it felt a little weird, but it always feels weird going home. I couldn’t leave without getting a water ice and seeing my aunts. The AC is broken at my job in Austin. I worked 9 hrs in 98 degree weather yesterday.
The first time I can remember saying y’all was a few years ago at one of my former coworkers going away party. I was taking a picture of a few of my coworkers and while trying to frame it I said “Y’all are not in it”. I immediately caught myself. Ever since I’ve been ridiculously trying to preserve my “you guys”. I feel weird about saying it because it is a micro aggression, but its a part of those things about myself that I don’t want to lose no matter where I go. I know it seems weird, but its like a recipe that I don’t want to change even if its not gluten free or organic. Losing parts of yourself is what happens when you grow, its normal. Living far away from home its like you have this double consciousness because I desperately don’t want to lose my east coast self but I still can’t help but adapt and absorb the changes that happen while growing. Now I just sound like a stupid Yankee.