austin

x+2=fart

So it’s been a little over a month now since I’ve been back from my trip. Everyday life has been good to me lately, but I still find it a lot easier to adjust to wanderlust life, than work and school life. A week after I got back to Austin I started community college, there’s a campus  two blocks down the street from me, so I’m not even going to pretend that if it wasn’t so incredibly convenient I may not have been so eager to go. So far it’s been good, but still a doozy. I soon realized that I didn’t schedule myself a day off. There isn’t a day that I’m not at work or school, or both. Staying busy and productive is what I wished for, and you know how that saying goes. If all it was was just going to class it wouldn’t seem as daunting, but it’s the amount work that has to be done outside of class that is so surprising. Homework, sigh, there is SO.MUCH.OF.IT. To someone straight out of high school it’s probably no big deal, but to someone who has been out of school for 12 years, and also hated school since the third grade, it’s a fucking lot of shit to do. Managing my time has been a challenge, I have to be  so strategic or else I may not have time to wipe my ass. I’m playing a mean game of tetris with my life these days. And why doesn’t anybody tell you that in college, even community college, nothing is explained to you?! It’s like “here ya go, figure it out. Oh and by the way, it has to be submitted online”. Wtf is this online shit?! Am I that ancient? Ahem, back in my day the only assignments we did online were English papers, now every class has assignments online. Annoying. Triple annoying when you’re computer is unreliable. As much as I sigh, and will continue to sigh with frustration, I feel really good about this experience. You probably can’t tell, but my grammar is getting better, and although I’m spent most days, I feel f’n great because I’m being stretched. When I say I hated school before, I mean I loathed it deeply. I didn’t even want to go to my own high school graduation because I thought school was the biggest waste of time. Now I realize that it’s not just specifically  what I’m learning, its me learning how to learn and focus, so I can be productive and write best selling novels that will be in Oprahs Book Club (is that still a thing?)and say badass quotes in interviews like J.K. Rowling and go on a never ending book tour.SIGH. I do feel kind of smart now because I got 100% on my math quiz last week! #firsttimeforeverything.

 

Advertisements

SF Buttquake

A customer at work 2 weeks ago randomly gave me a gift card to Starbucks, I never go there but I knew I’d come across a few thousand of them on my trip so I gladly accepted. Of course this morning when I went to use it it wasn’t there, how convenient. Also the guy who took my order thought I wanted iced tea instead of hot, at 9 am.  A nice customer found my gc on the ground and gave it to me, also the barista did end up making  me a hot tea………that burnt my tongue for 2 days.

I decided to stop in Santa Cruz for a little bit before going to SF. It’s a decent sized beach with corny boardwalk rides and games that I love. It reminded me of the beaches I grew up going to like Wildwood, NJ and Ocean City, MD. I also found a goldmine, my favorite brand of postcards, Lantern Press! I get too excited about paper. Even though SF was only an hour away it took awhile to get there because there was so much traffic. I’ve never driven on a highway with so many lanes and we barely moved for a long time. Once I did the unimaginable which was getting into the city and out of the car it wasn’t bad. I had the pleasure of staying with a former coworker and the sweetest dog ever.

I haven’t been here in almost 4 years and I stayed in a neighborhood further away but this location was perfect. It had everything I needed, a coffee shop next door, Trader Joe’s a few blocks away, tons of street art, and trans prostitutes working the corner nightly. I was happy to give Hilary (the car) a break for a few days. I didn’t even have to take the Bart, I walked everywhere. All of the touristy stuff people are too cool to do I love, I couldn’t wait to see the bridge or have a savage seagull swoop down and take a chunk of my lackluster crab cake, that actually happened. The first time I came to SF I only walked near the bridge but this time I wanted to walk on it, it was a lot further than it seemed because it’s so big but it’s worth the journey because it’s so iconic.

 

The graffiti gods are always looking out for me, I just always find the best street art everywhere I go. I’m used to it now. The Mission neighborhood is saturated, it reminded me of Toronto with alleyways behind houses full of murals, it’s like a free museum.

 

I was huffing and puffing up the steepest hill on earth when someone told me I was ‘hella cute’, just like a Cali person would say! How sweet and also accurate. I went to the Castro to get my life from the colorful crosswalks and and to see a man wearing only a gold metallic cloth over his penis. I read about him on Trip Advisor moments before. My main struggles while I was here was finding places to pee and charge my phone, also I couldn’t stop spending money on my friends kids but I got my credit card sent to my friends apt here so I’m good! I also was afraid that I was allergic to his dog but turns out my eyes are just bloodshot at all times.

Sigh, SF Heartbreak, you are so pretty and shiny and expensive, a little dirtier than I remembered but you know I like that. One of my favorite major cities in the US, you are amazing but the show must go on! I appreciate the real breakfast I ate, the countless amounts of human shit on the sidewalks, Octavia St (my gmoms name!), and those mesmerizing  clouds sprawled out across the sky, almost hanging low enough to touch.

Sun Shower

Per usual I am watching the cursor come and go, wondering which keys I should be hitting. I’ve been thinking about it all day but if I knew what I was going to write that would kind of take the fun out of it, for me at least. For the past 7 or months I’ve been writing in my journal ballpoints of good things that happened to me that particular day. It used to be just 4 or maybe 5 things but I’ve been encouraged to write 10 things I’m thankful for everyday. Sometimes it could just be that I found a  quarter or even a penny on the ground (pennies are still money people!) or sometimes it’s a really sweet surprising gesture from a friend or customer at work. Today for example I’m thankful for the Teena Marie station on Pandora. Yesterday one of my coworkers bought me a cookie, my friend Amy came to visit me at work, and I got to christen a car with the name Dametria, because every car should have a name. I am also very thankful my friend Claudia let me borrow her gps for my trip! I keep seeing cardinals which is very symbolic and getting a lot more sleep, also the Headspace app works, maybe its all in my head *elbow nudge* get it?! Because it’s for meditation so its in your head and…yeah. Where am I going with this…. oh yes I now practice the very fine art of acknowledging even the smallest things throughout the day that make me smile and chuckle because I feel like now that I do that I’ll have even more things to smile and chuckle about. Except for the guy who stopped his car when I was walking in my neighborhood earlier today asking if I needed a ride, no thanks! Midnight blue nails.

Idk? Oh Yeah

Not sure what that title means, figure it out for me will ya? It’s about time you did something, you’re so lazy! As for me, I just realized that I’ve been jogging almost 20 miles a week for a couple of months now, small victories. I never kept track of it because I don’t want to get into some weird competition with myself but I was curious so I looked up the distance on the gps on my phone and was surprised it was that much. 6 months ago if someone would’ve told me I would be out jogging I would be keeled over laughing hysterically because I don’t think of myself as a ‘fit’ person and I still don’t, I just like getting out and having the sun on me and seeing all the cute puppies. I also really love feeling productive which is definitely unfamiliar but welcomed. I started meditating last week with this app called Headspace which has been helpful to my chakras. Maybe I’ll ask that guy I accidentally went on a date with if he wants to eat nachos on Wednesday, we’ll see, I’ll keep you posted…..get it?? because this is a blog that I post on….(elbow nudge)….Ahem.So there’s that… not even 300 words yet okay….I’m sitting here antsy because I really want to continue watching House Hunters, there’s new episodes on Netflix that I’m way too excited about. Road trip in 4 weeks and 1 day! Amethyst nails by the way.

Guess Who’s Coming to get Ice Cream?

Watching the cursor blink, I’m SO good at that. Another thing I excel at is avoiding possible good things in my life for no good reason. Some real 90’s era sitcom shit happened to me this past week and taught me once again that the universe is amusingly in total control at all times. Matt, a frequent Soup Peddler customer, gave me his phone number recently, we chat and chuckle a lot when he comes in so I wasn’t surprised but still overly nervous to actually call him. After a month of procrastinating as well as role playing with my friends about what to say IF he actually answered the phone I called him last Monday, we talked for a few minutes and I suggested we go out for ice cream soon. Exhale, I called him, finally at 30 years old I can call a man, if you knew me you’d know that congratulations are most definitely in order. The next day I get a call from my friend Regina, I was surprised because she now lives in London but is in town for her moms funeral, we make plans to get together, once again I suggest ice cream. I guess I’m all about the soft serve these days idk, I’m like Mrs. Softee or something *shrugs*. Later that same day I get a text from a random number about going out for ice cream the next day, I assume it’s Regina because I just talked to her a few hours before and I knew I had limited time with her so we texted back and forth throughout the evening and made  plans to hang out Wednesday afternoon. I didn’t save Regina’s number because she was using her friends phone and I didn’t save Matt’s yet either…….So here comes Wednesday,  I text “Regina” asking for her address so I can go pick her up,  because clearly she doesn’t have a car, she’s been living in London riding the Tube, duhh! I look up the address and its conveniently right by me…..and the Soup Peddler, I was relieved because Regina is from South Austin so I assumed whatever family member or friend she is staying with would live around there too so I was definitely happy to not have to drive across town at 4:30 in the afternoon. I throw on an old t-shirt and coochie cutters and drive about 10 minutes, get to the house, ponder walking up to the door but instead just text “I’m here”. About a minute later someone comes to my car…..but it’s not who I’m expecting. It was not Regina, it was Matt who I was texting the whole time. I was sweating so much!! I started frantically looking through my phone wondering what the hell I said to this man, there is no telling with my sense of humor. After the extreme initial shock I just smirked at how funny and helpful life has the possibility of forcing us to do things. We had a good time, we talked and laughed and made plans to hang out this coming week. If I actually knew I was texting him I never would’ve agreed to hang out so casually, I would’ve put it off FOR NO GOOD REASON! I literally have to be tricked into dating. Sigh that’s some funny shit. Also I painted my toe nails blue today.

30 going on 13

Remember in ‘The Spongebob Movie’ that came out in the early ’00’s?  In the beginning  he wakes up and he has one of those box calendars where you rip each day off well that day he got up and ripped the previous date off and the present day was March 7th, which is today and also ahem, my birthday. My 30th birthday……isn’t that supposed to mean something? I do feel different but in a great way, I feel really fortunate but even at times  when I’m sad and pissy  I still know that I’m fortunate but I’ve been feeling especially positive lately. Last night my heart was so happy because I went out to dinner with friends, one in particular came to Austin just for my b’day and I am truly so thankful for that.I just want to feel the love you guys! I am not afraid of getting older, there was a time when i was though. When I was around 12  my mom like sat me down for one of those serious-ish-talks and told me that I should start wearing a training bra #mortified. I was so freaked out, I was like any other tween except I DID NOT want to grow up, I knew it kind of sucked, I’m psychic. But I’ve turned over a new crunchy leaf and I feel no apprehension about anything that has to do with my age or all the logistics and feels of getting older. I’m a very late bloomer so sure if you’re counting my life chronologically I am 30 years old but I’m slapping my knee keeled over when the ketchup bottle makes a fart noise so there.

Fudgement Day

****READ WITH CAUTION***

The date was November 9th, 2015, it was around 8:30pm when it happened. I was at Wright Bros. Brew & Brew, a seemingly innocent Monday night when i knew i had to take some action soon because if not it would eventually happen whether i was prepared or not, it was inevitable, fuck, it was natural. My friend works there and i hadn’t seen her in awhile and although   it was good to catch up there was business to take care of. The mission that i originally set out on quickly turned to another, i couldn’t believe myself as i sat there squirming, sweating, nerves going awry, “Am i really going to shit myself here at Brew & Brew?” i thought. I haven’t poo’d in my pants since i was about 6 or 7 when there was a maintenance man at our apartment fixing the toilet and i just had to go ya know. This time around I’m 29 years old, arguably an adult who should be able to find the lavatory (such a ridiculous way to say bathroom) but this was all of a sudden you see i was in my therapy group right before and i had this intense urge to unbuckle my pants, i thought i was just bloated or had a minor stomach ache. As soon as i got in my car i took my belt completely off and headed to Brew & Brew but the belt wasn’t the only thing i needed to release.  The ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign on the bathroom door came as no surprise, i had to go over and read it multiple times to believe it but there it was, my fate had been accepted. I was going to shit myself on my way home and then I’d have to smell the faint stench of my own poo everyday as i drove reminding myself that i shit myself that one shameful night. Tsk. Just when i thought it was Judgement Day (or Fudgement Day) i was given the Golden Ticket, err code to the bathroom down the hall. I unlocked the door and dashed down the hall like the grown was crumbling beneath me, i went down one hall and didn’t find it so i sprinted down another, heart throbbing, sweating profusely, sneakers screeching on the floor. I can picture it in slow motion just like in the action movies except instead of a car exploding…..well yeah. I was so happy to see it was a one person bathroom , I needed privacy and space for this venture. I was perspiring so much i had to take all my clothes and my glasses off. The first load, yes first,  was quite normal but the nausea didn’t subside, i knew better, i knew to just…..wait for it. Patience you guys, and it didn’t take long, i knew it was coming and i wanted to be ready. Like most highly anticipated things in life it was short (not so sweet though) but the feeling of relief was priceless. Those m/f’n Keebler Elves!!! man they did me in, i ate two cookies, TWO!! That’s nothing compared to what i can normally put away but it was two too many. I believe there are signs all around us telling us things, teaching us, practically screaming at us to notice and take heed and what I’ve learned from this is that you’re never too old to (almost) shit your pants and also to stick to Milano cookies from now on.

Petal Porn .4

You’re bated breath can now be soothed, it is time to share my lovely foliage with you. Its been a few weeks because the carnations i previously posted didn’t falter for  3 weeks, apparently that’s what they do. This week it was my roommate who is hosting these beautiful flowers in her room. They are so exotic, bold, and exaggerated for every reason,  the star of the show, the belle of the field, captivating with no apprehension. Unapologetically confident is the best way to describe this plant, can i be this flower?

DSC_0956DSC_0961DSC_0959

Petal Porn .3

Its that special time of the week where i share my lovely foliage friends with you guys, I know you’ve all been on baited breath. This week its lovely carnations, they have lasted me almost 3 weeks and i still don’t see many signs of wilting. I love how they’re naturally two-toned, giving them a natural shade of purple and white with their long skinny stems holding them up, makes me think of an ant holding up a bread crumb weighing more than twice the size of them, nature is so fascinating you guys!

DSC_0900DSC_0904DSC_0930

K.I.T.

Remember your very  first friend? Rose was mine, i met her when i was 4 years old in preschool. I didn’t see or think much of her after that but  10 years later we would end up going to the same high school only to maybe mumble a few words to each other, if that. That should’ve been an indication to something that i have recently learned, that keeping in touch is hard. Sure we were kids, little kids but still, even now as somewhat of an adult i am realizing just how difficult it is, not only having a genuine connection with someone but continuing to reach out and you know actually be friends. I never knew how hard it was to make new friends until i was an adult and moved away from my home town (here we go with the woe-is-me new girl to the city story, so annoying). I had lots of friends in high school and stayed close with most of them after, when you live near each other keeping in touch isn’t so hard. It wasn’t until i was in an unfamiliar place with new people did i realize how many people don’t keep in touch that you thought would and how hard and frustrating it is to try and make friends with adults. Its so easy when you’re young, a few common interests and you’re besties, as an adult not only are you jaded, you’re fucking busy! Where was i going with this? Oh yeah talk to your friends! Reach out to people! It indicates that you genuinely care, like you actually have a heart or something, its nice. One of my favorite ways of communication is  writing letters. My mom used to be in the army and when i was growing up she would always write letters to her army friends, that’s how they communicated with their families when they were away and that’s how they all kept in touch after they were out of the military. When i moved away from home my mom would always write me letters and i didn’t respond at first because i still talked to her on the phone almost everyday and i thought the idea of having a ‘pen pal’ was kind of corny, didn’t we do that in 3rd grade? BUT i asked a long time friend from my hometown who had moved to Seattle to exchange addresses and i finally realized how much i really enjoy writing (shocking) letters! Its honestly therapeutic, you get to say whatever you want with no interruptions and you get to buy pretty stationary! (I am my mothers daughter.) I was thinking about my Seattlelite friend and it blew my mind when i realized that i hadn’t seen her face in over 2 years, it didn’t seem like that much time had passed because we actually reach out to each other. I even went to visit her a few weeks ago and got to actually see where Ive been mailing all these letters to!  Distance is a motherfucker, but it doesn’t have to be. If writing long letters isn’t your thing you could mail them a funny postcard, text them that inside joke you guys used to die laughing at many moons ago, or call them! Letting someone know you are on their mind and that you genuinely care about how they are doing means so much. I know that everyone is busy but i firmly believe that you’re never too busy for something that’s important to you, remember that the next time you sign someones yearbook.