writing

Never Through With A Rendezvous

For the past six mornings I’ve been waking up sad. Today is our last full day in Strasbourg. It’s bittersweet because I know that, realistically, I will probably never come here again. Never say never though. A year ago I had just started my first semester of college after graduating high school 12 years before, and now I just completed a study abroad program in Strasbourg, France. I had never heard of Strasbourg until this program. I feel like it’s my own special secret gem. There’s a fluffy old man who I’m pretty sure I’ve seen more times with his shirt off than on, always standing out on his balcony, or looking out of his big french windows, I will miss him so much. This past week we had a 15 page paper due, as well as a series of essays for our final, but we did manage to have a lot of fun. Basel was great last week, except on the way back, our bus never came! A series of Flixbus’ came but not ours. One of the bus’ was going to Strasbourg but it wasn’t our route because our names had to be on the passenger list because we were crossing the border. This really nice and helpful guy who was traveling on our route talked to the bus driver for awhile and helped translate from french to english and german to everyone who was waiting and we were able to get our names on the list so we could take that bus back to Strasbourg. What a relief! I was so impressed by this helpful man I sat next to him on the ride back. He lives in Zurich and was only visiting Strasbourg for the weekend for a wedding. I got to practice my french with him a little bit, and he was nice enough to not make feel like a total idiot, which I’m sure I sounded like.

 

Wow Iphone pictures are shitty. I took the best walk this weekend, the more I roam around here the more I realize how close everything is and how beautiful everything is. One of the BEST way to get to know a place is by walking around. We also went to a random carnival and got our asses kicked by some next level rides I was not expecting.

Our farewell dinner is in a couple of hours. I did my last load of laundry that I’ll probably do for the next 2 and a half weeks (pee yewww!). Tomorrow afternoon I’ll be waving a white hankerchief out of the window on the Flixbus (if it actually comes) sobbing and whispering au revoir français! Merci beaucoup, À plus tard.

303527

Advertisements

Sun Shower

Per usual I am watching the cursor come and go, wondering which keys I should be hitting. I’ve been thinking about it all day but if I knew what I was going to write that would kind of take the fun out of it, for me at least. For the past 7 or months I’ve been writing in my journal ballpoints of good things that happened to me that particular day. It used to be just 4 or maybe 5 things but I’ve been encouraged to write 10 things I’m thankful for everyday. Sometimes it could just be that I found a  quarter or even a penny on the ground (pennies are still money people!) or sometimes it’s a really sweet surprising gesture from a friend or customer at work. Today for example I’m thankful for the Teena Marie station on Pandora. Yesterday one of my coworkers bought me a cookie, my friend Amy came to visit me at work, and I got to christen a car with the name Dametria, because every car should have a name. I am also very thankful my friend Claudia let me borrow her gps for my trip! I keep seeing cardinals which is very symbolic and getting a lot more sleep, also the Headspace app works, maybe its all in my head *elbow nudge* get it?! Because it’s for meditation so its in your head and…yeah. Where am I going with this…. oh yes I now practice the very fine art of acknowledging even the smallest things throughout the day that make me smile and chuckle because I feel like now that I do that I’ll have even more things to smile and chuckle about. Except for the guy who stopped his car when I was walking in my neighborhood earlier today asking if I needed a ride, no thanks! Midnight blue nails.

K.I.T.

Remember your very  first friend? Rose was mine, i met her when i was 4 years old in preschool. I didn’t see or think much of her after that but  10 years later we would end up going to the same high school only to maybe mumble a few words to each other, if that. That should’ve been an indication to something that i have recently learned, that keeping in touch is hard. Sure we were kids, little kids but still, even now as somewhat of an adult i am realizing just how difficult it is, not only having a genuine connection with someone but continuing to reach out and you know actually be friends. I never knew how hard it was to make new friends until i was an adult and moved away from my home town (here we go with the woe-is-me new girl to the city story, so annoying). I had lots of friends in high school and stayed close with most of them after, when you live near each other keeping in touch isn’t so hard. It wasn’t until i was in an unfamiliar place with new people did i realize how many people don’t keep in touch that you thought would and how hard and frustrating it is to try and make friends with adults. Its so easy when you’re young, a few common interests and you’re besties, as an adult not only are you jaded, you’re fucking busy! Where was i going with this? Oh yeah talk to your friends! Reach out to people! It indicates that you genuinely care, like you actually have a heart or something, its nice. One of my favorite ways of communication is  writing letters. My mom used to be in the army and when i was growing up she would always write letters to her army friends, that’s how they communicated with their families when they were away and that’s how they all kept in touch after they were out of the military. When i moved away from home my mom would always write me letters and i didn’t respond at first because i still talked to her on the phone almost everyday and i thought the idea of having a ‘pen pal’ was kind of corny, didn’t we do that in 3rd grade? BUT i asked a long time friend from my hometown who had moved to Seattle to exchange addresses and i finally realized how much i really enjoy writing (shocking) letters! Its honestly therapeutic, you get to say whatever you want with no interruptions and you get to buy pretty stationary! (I am my mothers daughter.) I was thinking about my Seattlelite friend and it blew my mind when i realized that i hadn’t seen her face in over 2 years, it didn’t seem like that much time had passed because we actually reach out to each other. I even went to visit her a few weeks ago and got to actually see where Ive been mailing all these letters to!  Distance is a motherfucker, but it doesn’t have to be. If writing long letters isn’t your thing you could mail them a funny postcard, text them that inside joke you guys used to die laughing at many moons ago, or call them! Letting someone know you are on their mind and that you genuinely care about how they are doing means so much. I know that everyone is busy but i firmly believe that you’re never too busy for something that’s important to you, remember that the next time you sign someones yearbook.

My Rocky Road to Inspiration

I’ve never been much of a nature girl wooo! (Rick Flair reference anyone? Nature Boy?……*crickets*moving on) but i love natural beauty. I had never even heard of Rocky Mountain National Park until a coworker suggested i go. I love suggestions when i travel, some of the best places I’ve been to have been recommendations.IMG_7311

The ride was almost as beautiful as the destination.

IMG_7307

It was National Park Service 98th birthday so we got in free!

DSC_0118

image

Greetings

image

this rock is forming into a mighty fine stone

image

DSC_0122

IMG_7323

IMG_7321

image

image

IMG_7326

image

While Eileen went to go meditate i took a measly wimpy 2 mile hike to Alberta Falls, i don’t remember walking downhill so much on my way there because the way back felt like i was climbing a mountain. I did happen to run into some adorable animals and everyone i passed greeted me with a smile that tickled my heart.

IMG_7354

image

IMG_7360

IMG_7358

IMG_7357

image

IMG_7363

image

The hike to Bear Lake was equally as beautiful! I even found some art deep in the woods!

image

image

image

image

image

image

Bear Lake

image

image

The clear water has bacteria in it because of animal feces so humans can’t drink it.

image

image

image

image

I sat on a rock at this lake (ridiculous i know) for a long time and i was really thankful i brought my journal with me. I’m often frustrated because there is always something I’m longing for. I know i am fortunate but my heart has infinite desire when it comes to traveling and always will. Before this trip for some reason i felt like i couldn’t write, i had so much in my head and in my heart that i felt like i was going to burst but for some reason i just wouldn’t write. It was the first time i had experienced some sort of creative blockage. I love going on trips but  I thought it was kind of corny that i would go on a trip and voila i can write again but it happened.  I was in awe sitting there, the sun shining , dragonflies buzzing, mountains looming, i don’t think Ive ever written surrounded by so much natural beauty before. I felt a surge of purpose, the sun was so bright i should of should of worn shades but to hell with being comfortable, i needed to see everything before me, my future. On our way back to Boulder we stopped in the adorable town of  Estes Park to eat some comfort food and play a mean game of Pac Man. Two weeks before this trip i had no idea where i was going, all i knew was that my high school reunion was cancelled and i knew didn’t want to go home. Eileen had serendipitously taken the same days off work and we decided to visit to ‘Colorful Colorado’. An amazing place to share an experience, bask in natural beauty, and sigh your heart out…..all while using a fake name that you keep forgetting when introducing yourself, sigh! Good Times Colorado, good times.

Dorothy Does Austin

Many moons ago in a land far far away i resided in not only the same state as my mother but the same city, and under the same roof for a time. Now that seems like light years ago but leave it to mommie dearest to never let you get too far away. My mom Dorothy came to visit Austin last month, this wasn’t her first visit but every time she comes she acts like it is, she’s so excited and happy to be somewhere new that it reassures my soul that not everyone is lame.

The first place we went to visit was one of my favorite places in Austin, the Hope Outdoor Gallery, or as its sometimes  known as Castle Hill or Baylor Street Art Wall. I try to come here at least once a month if not more, i obviously love graffiti so this is like a little piece of heaven for me.IMG_6948

My mom throwing up a hand, so proud of her

IMG_6960DSC_0646To my surprise she actually seemed to like it!

DSC_0642IMG_6959

After that we were starving so we went to the Lockhart,TX  otherwise known as “The BBQ Capital of Texas”. Lockhart is such an adorable small town about 30 mins from Austin.

DSC_0681

DSC_0675

 

 

DSC_0671

DSC_0684

There’s 4 famous BBQ joints in Lockhart to choose from, my coworkers suggested Blacks.

DSC_0693

The food was amazing, I always get more than i can eat so i can look forward to it later. My  friend Shannon and her mom Estrella even came to join us! #momdate

DSC_0695

One of my moms favorite places to go when she visits is by far Barton Springs, not only is it beautiful its really relaxing and its so freaking hot here that you have no choice but to love the water.

DSC_0699

DSC_0703

On our last evening we took a walk along Lady Bird Lake which is my #1 place to go in Austin. Its my favorite place because when i first moved here and didn’t have a lot going on i would come here all the time and sit and write A LOT. I never wrote outside of my bedroom before i moved here and i also never felt as lonely so Lady Bird Lake was a place for me to go and clear my head, it was literally and figuratively there for me. *cue Red Hot Chili Peppers “Under the Bridge”*

IMG_6967DSC_0727

DSC_0719

We ended the night and her visit at The White Horse on the east side in my neck of the woods where my friend Claudia taught her how to two-step, it was adorbs, i still cant do it!

DSC_0738

 

This visit was especially unique because i  feel like for the first time i showed her my Austin, the first 2 visits we did the Soco things and 6th street, we  saw a movie at Alamo, ate from food trucks, now i like doing those things but i don’t find myself doing those things all the time. I wanted to show her my real life here.

IMG_6983

 

Although i was frustrated because that’s what she does to me i appreciate her coming here so much. I know that parents encouraging and loving their kids unconditionally seems so normal but its not, i am beyond words fortunate to have a mom that loves me and doesn’t push me to do or be any other way than myself, she is always supportive and so excited for any crazy thing I’m doing or any new place I’m going. We’ve def had our ups and downs, but i know that she really loves me because she is there for me, even though she isn’t here.

She’s so high

Serene. Peaceful. Relaxed. That is exactly how i feel right now, i haven’t truly relaxed in a long time, life on the road is fun but  its so hard on your body. The heel on my right foot, my lower back and also my neck were hurting so badly that i had no choice but to book a spa day at the Santa Fe Nirvana Spa, i mean what else is a girl to do?!IMG_5652

This morning i packed my things and headed out of Albuquerque to the Sandia Peak Tramway. Although i am a little afraid of heights i still wanted to check out the amazing view from the top, its like a cable car that goes up the side of the Cibola National Forest.

IMG_5544

There’s plenty of observation decks at the top and many trails for all those hot bearded wilderness guys that like to hike and stuff.

image

image

image

i love this, let everything be

image

Walking along the side of a mountain ahhh!!

image

image

‘She who sees from up high smiles and surely sings’

image

looks like 2 elephants

image

After getting high on the tram i made my way to Santa Fe, a much anticipated destination on my trip. As soon as i arrived at the bed and breakfast i unloaded my bags and headed over to the spa across the street.

image

The Hacienda Nicholas

image

image

image

my massage table

my massage table

imageimage

image

rose petal bath

image

Why don’t i do this more often?!

The spa was obviously luxuriating and amazing but i absolutely  loved the woman who treated me! She was so genuine and soothing and we had such a good conversation about how important it is to be free and happy, talking with her was definitely a highlight of the trip, she even packaged the rose petals for me to take home!

image

After being so zen and one with the universe i headed out to roam around cause i  want to!

image

image

image

imageA friend told me not long ago that she was in Santa Fe and it reminded her of me and that i should retire there, as i was walking through this beautiful town i couldn’t help but to think how right she was. Santa Fe is so peaceful and lovely, quaint and quiet. It ‘s a timeless haven for people that need to be surrounded by beauty and inspired even if its just by watching the clouds move. I dont want to leave but alas….#heartonthehighway

 

Lone Star State of Mind Part 1

In the year or so that I’ve lived in Austin Ive had so much fun and done so many things that i never have before because there is SO much fun to be had here but i keep hearing about all these cool places outside of Austin that are not only fun but also really beautiful. A few weeks ago me and my friend Lauren aka Lo went on a little road trip to the Hill Country to see what really is deep in the heart of Texas.

1st rule of road tripping is to rock down to Electric Ave

1st stop on a road trip is always rocking down to Electric Ave

 

Bluebonnets are the Texas State Flower and just like everything else about this state Texans are very proud of them and on our little trip i saw them for the very first time!

IMG_4183

 

 

Driving, gossiping, and exploring can sure make a girl hungry so where else do we decide to dine but the Grand Central Cafe otherwise known as the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre house! Yes ladies and gentleman, you too can wine and dine in the very same house that Leatherface and his family once called home, how cozy is that?!

This place isn't anywhere near as cheesy as i wanted it to be but it does come equipped with a cute waiter and good southern comfort food!

This place isn’t anywhere near as cheesy as i wanted it to be but it does come equipped with a cute waiter and good southern comfort food!

 

The neighborhood behind the Massacre House (i don’t care about the real name of the restuarant is it’ll always be the Massacre House anytime i refer to it) was so serene and beautiful that we had to take a walk on what i’m pretty sure is private property

was there once a tree house up there? so cute!

was there once a tree house up there? so cute!

 

anyone remember that cartoon where the baby duck keeps repeating "water do gown the hooole"?? oh im the only one, okay nevermind moving along....literally

anyone remember that cartoon where the baby duck keeps repeating “water do gown the hooole”?? oh im the only one, okay nevermind moving along….

not quite a much of a dendrophiliac as Denise Fleming but i do love and appreciate the beauty of nature

not quite a much of a dendrophiliac as Denise Fleming but i do love and appreciate the beauty of nature

 

Me and Lauren stumbled upon even more natural beauty at Longhorn Cavern State Park, not to sound so much like the 80’s valley girl that i totally am but it was really cool you guys!

 

the cavern stays around 68 degrees so in other words this is the cool place to be in the summer in TX

the cavern stays around 68 degrees so in other words this literally is the coolest place to be in the summer in TX

 

IMG_4214

 

On our way back to Austin i could not help but pull over multiple time because there is so much beauty and character when you’re driving not on an interstate but on a road and in this case a  Farm to Market or Ranch Road.

I've only seen these kind of signs in the southern states, i dig them

I’ve only seen these kind of signs in the southern states, i dig them

 

.....and this little gem! Such a cute building? house? brothel? whatever it is used for i appreciate it!

…..and this little gem! Such a cute building? house? brothel? whatever it is i appreciate it!

 

I hope Texans don’t take this the wrong way but i almost forgot i was in Texas, this truly is a big beautiful state  full of so many things that surprise me all the time, BUT don’t let the southern hospitality fool you, they are always quick to remind you…..

IMG_4248

 

 

 

Fish in the water

Cliche? yes. Proverbial? duh. Relatable? always. Am i  diving in or just getting my feet wet? Im not naturally an impulsive person so making  rash decisions doesn’t only not sit well with me it also backfires, because well, i know better and the universe knows better and the universe knows i know better. Ive always heard the phrase “fish out of water” feeling out of place, lost, not knowing what to do, something i have always related to but what about a fish in the water?  Just because you can drive  doesn’t mean you’re never going to get lost, and just because a fish can swim doesn’t mean it cant sink. Even in your seemingly natural habitat you still may not have any sense of direction. Its a doozy and not a lot of humans like to talk about it because they all want to seem like they have their proverbial shit together but in reality they’re all full of proverbial shit.  Tis the season, tis the season to get lost, and say “Wow i cant believe i said that, went there, ate that, did that (or him)” and just simply have an experience. I used to think that in order to do what i wanted to do i had to have all  my proverbial ducks in line, i thought i needed a certain dollar amount of money, or i had to wait until this specific date but now i know that i can do anything. The most important thing i need with me when im fulfilling my daydreams is simply the will to do it.

Having boobs doesn’t  hurt either.

Hey There Lonely Girl

“Passion makes way through possibilities”

Where am i going with this?  Im trying to think of a great way to start this off but i have a silly slightly pretentious smirk on my face so lets just say I’m lonely and that’s not all i am but it has been a staple on my emotions for awhile now. For the past year and a half whenever i start a new journal i make a silent promise to myself that ‘this here journal will not be filled with the same sad confused stupid lonely girl emotions that took over the last one’ and you can take a wild guess how most of the pages were filled. In a way i don’t mind because i embrace how i feel. i like to think of myself as a positive but realistic person, there is always a bright side but if i stub my toe I’m going to yell ‘FUCK!’ and be annoyed, not forever but for a moment and ill embrace that fucking annoying moment as much as the happy ones. I am naturally a loner so solidarity  is crucial and imperative to my soul but still i never knew how it felt to be alone until this past year and a half. I don’t remember ever trying to make friends, I’ve always king of just had them and then when i moved away its like the world literally pushed me out there and unlike naturally learning how to walk and talk as a child adults don’t remember ever learning that so how do you make real honest friends?

There are a lot of surprising things that come up when you are alone in a new place, you are forced to learn a lot about yourself and how you deal with stressful frustrating situations when you don’t have the support system that you had back home also you get to see who will really be there for you when you really need somebody, that’s been the hardest thing for me. Expectations, why do we have them? We know better but we are still humans and we are stupid. It sucks to think you can count on someone and when the going gets tough they disappear, its a part of life for everyone but it is so GD disappointing, still its great knowing the few or less than few people who are there, they can be a surprise too.

My mom was in the Army and shes been my #1 supporter because and she gets it, she understands being away from home and the torn indecisive feelings that go along with that and shes been writing me letters (shes old school like that) which has inspired me to write letters to people and it warms my heart so much to open my mailbox and see a personal letter from a friend, to this lonely girl it means a lot.

Moving away from home is like  one of those things like having  a kid or getting married, everyone only talks about the good part of it,  they’re afraid to tell someone how hard it can/may be like they’re scared they might come across too human or something. I cant imagine not moving away, it literally rocked my world and now i know i can do anything but i’ll never sugarcoat it to anyone and tell them it was easy because its not. Its been hard and its better but its still hard, it wont always be but tis the season.

Corny quotes have played a big part in this season of my life, you know the “Never Give Up” quotes you’ve heard your whole life  well when you truly madly deeply need motivation they are the truest combinations of words. Simple and true, enough said, literally.

I know that i wont always feel this way but i do now and its a very important, probably the most important time so far in my life because i am so alone and that’s the only way to truly know yourself, by spending time with yourself and its okay.

I feel more passionate about life and the possibilities than ever before and its built my character so much that if i knew me before i may not even recognize myself because i see things through a different lens now, something that may have never occurred if i hadn’t been so alone.

 

Going There, Doing That

Live if she wants to, and i don’t see why not. Here are some of the things i love and enjoy doing and have been fortunately doing a lot of! I’ve always loved to go out and dance, but i was beginning to think that my frequent dancing days were over, that was before i attended Tuesgayz at Barbarellas. Bumping, grinding, sweating, vogueing, prancing, living,  dying is what occurs and i love it! Great music, random drag queens walking about and the occasional dance off between two gay men wearing high heels??!! I can’t think of much else id rather see.

3

i remember RuPaul being famous in the 90’s and  being so impressed at how much she did look like a woman but that was it, RuPaul was the only drag queen i knew of besides Divine only because Hairspray is one of my favorite movies. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago my friend Natalie turned me on to RuPauls Drag Race which is now one of my favorite shows. Until then i thought drag queens pretty much looked like men dressed up as women and that was it but on Drag Race those queens put us biological women to shame! I gag every time they sashay down the runway,  they are stunning and so creative and charismatic. My first drag show in Austin was about 5 months ago, there’s a thriving LGBT scene and lots of drag shows every week, just last Sunday one of the queens pulled me out on stage and danced with me! I am amazed, shocked, stunned, and  left for dead every time i attend a show. They’ve also provided me with a whole new vocabulary!

Althea Trix, my favorite drag queen in Austin

Althea Trix, my favorite drag queen in Austin

Poo Poo Platter is a quirky local drag group that performs once a month together and they’re hilarious, disgusting and inappropriate, if that’s not a recipe for a good time please enlighten me on what is? Local queens also perform gigs throughout the week at local bars and one thing that i didn’t know was that the audience is heavily encouraged to tip them. Its like theatrical stripping in a way, except if their clothes come off its most likely because their garment wasn’t sewed properly or the rhinestones weren’t glued on tight enough. Lets hear it for the ladyboys!

Obsessed with drag queens? Bitch i might be

Obsessed with drag queens? Bitch i might be

Corsets, feathers, and nerve, those are just a few things that describe a burlesque dancer. It’s what us shy girls do in the privacy of our bedroom that a burlesque dancer isn’t afraid to do in front of a live gazing audience. Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve, and Talent don’t just describe the queens on RuPauls Drag Race it takes a lot of all of those things to perform the art of the tease. Its sexy, timeless, and engaging. It’s telling a story through dance by a woman who could be your next door neighbor, your teacher, or your mistress. Burlesque makes a girl feel sexy, brave, confident, bold, and in control, kind of  like Mae West.

Come up and see me sometime

Avant Glam burlesque troop in Austin

Avant Glam Cabaret

Avant Glam is one of many burlesque groups in Austin, they perform all the time and they are so incredibly talented and amazing. The dancing, costumes, and sketches make me want to run out and buy some feathers and tassles every time i see them perform!

Mee and Lilly LaFleur at the Christmas Cabaret

Me and Lilly LaFleur at the Christmas Cabaret

Okay so music, you can’t talk about living in Austin and not talk about music. I quickly realized that not only am i the only person without a bike i am also the only person without a band…or 3. Live music is everywhere and they’ll play it anywhere, i don’t think there is a place of business in this city that doesn’t have some sort of  a stage for a band to perform. The first band i heard play were my coworkers MegaBig, and they’re called that for a reason. It’s not country, it’s not easy listening, its  good ol fashion rock and roll. Check out their video, recognize anyone? hmmmmmm

Lastly (finally right! i always write so damn much) tonight although it was cold and rainy i went to Spiderhouse Ballroom because i heard theres a poetry slam every Tuesday night at 8. I sat in my room declaring that i wasn’t going to go because the weather outside was frightful and there was a$5 cover. BUT if there was ever a time i saw so happy i got off my lazy anus it was tonight, i seriously had the best time!! I even got to be one of the judges. Honestly i was nervous about that  because i believe that art is in the eye and in this case ear of the beholder but it was still a unique experience being a judge and such an overwhelmingly inspiring experience being there witnessing the raw emotions of these brave individuals exposing themselves for everyone to see and hear, most of them weren’t even reading from anything, they knew every word off the top of their head.

kkI’ll never forget tonight and not just because of the true, raw, relatable spoken words i heard but because i am so happy that i went out anyway even though i was tired, even though it felt crappy outside, i still went out and had a good time and took advantage of the awesome city i live in. It makes me wonder why not? Why not have fun? Why not experience something new? I’m not happy wondering, id rather just do it.