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Fudgement Day

****READ WITH CAUTION***

The date was November 9th, 2015, it was around 8:30pm when it happened. I was at Wright Bros. Brew & Brew, a seemingly innocent Monday night when i knew i had to take some action soon because if not it would eventually happen whether i was prepared or not, it was inevitable, fuck, it was natural. My friend works there and i hadn’t seen her in awhile and although   it was good to catch up there was business to take care of. The mission that i originally set out on quickly turned to another, i couldn’t believe myself as i sat there squirming, sweating, nerves going awry, “Am i really going to shit myself here at Brew & Brew?” i thought. I haven’t poo’d in my pants since i was about 6 or 7 when there was a maintenance man at our apartment fixing the toilet and i just had to go ya know. This time around I’m 29 years old, arguably an adult who should be able to find the lavatory (such a ridiculous way to say bathroom) but this was all of a sudden you see i was in my therapy group right before and i had this intense urge to unbuckle my pants, i thought i was just bloated or had a minor stomach ache. As soon as i got in my car i took my belt completely off and headed to Brew & Brew but the belt wasn’t the only thing i needed to release.  The ‘OUT OF ORDER’ sign on the bathroom door came as no surprise, i had to go over and read it multiple times to believe it but there it was, my fate had been accepted. I was going to shit myself on my way home and then I’d have to smell the faint stench of my own poo everyday as i drove reminding myself that i shit myself that one shameful night. Tsk. Just when i thought it was Judgement Day (or Fudgement Day) i was given the Golden Ticket, err code to the bathroom down the hall. I unlocked the door and dashed down the hall like the grown was crumbling beneath me, i went down one hall and didn’t find it so i sprinted down another, heart throbbing, sweating profusely, sneakers screeching on the floor. I can picture it in slow motion just like in the action movies except instead of a car exploding…..well yeah. I was so happy to see it was a one person bathroom , I needed privacy and space for this venture. I was perspiring so much i had to take all my clothes and my glasses off. The first load, yes first,  was quite normal but the nausea didn’t subside, i knew better, i knew to just…..wait for it. Patience you guys, and it didn’t take long, i knew it was coming and i wanted to be ready. Like most highly anticipated things in life it was short (not so sweet though) but the feeling of relief was priceless. Those m/f’n Keebler Elves!!! man they did me in, i ate two cookies, TWO!! That’s nothing compared to what i can normally put away but it was two too many. I believe there are signs all around us telling us things, teaching us, practically screaming at us to notice and take heed and what I’ve learned from this is that you’re never too old to (almost) shit your pants and also to stick to Milano cookies from now on.

Jordan.

This post is trying for me, not because I’m lazy with severe chronic procrastination like usual but because it’s about someone who me and my Austin family held very close  to our hearts. Jordan worked with us at Homeslice Pizza for about a year and as soon as he started we thought he resembled Christian Bale in the movie Psycho, cue the serial killer jokes. I think that everyone kind of had some sort of crush on Jordan because not only was he  handsome he was really goofy and inviting. He would flirt with anyone who was near, bump and grind and body roll and tell you how beautiful you are countless number of times during a shift. He was always queuing songs on Spotify like ‘How Will I Know’ by Whitney, ‘Too Close’ from Next, ‘Losing You’ by Solange, even ‘Shoop’ from the “Waiting to Exhale” Soundtrack. His “eel” that he brought on the camping trip game we played at Thanksgiving last year…….. It was like ‘who is this boy from North Carolina and why is he so unusual? but we fucking love it’.  It was always a treat to be near him because he was always in a good mood, never an ounce of negativity which is rare. Anytime you worked with him and got cut near the same time Jordan would invite you over his house which was around the corner to hang out on the porch or to an impromptu performance by him and his roommate. Not only was Jordan good-looking and funny, he was a really talented musician, i personally think he was too modest about his talent and i really believed in him. Last Tuesday after i was waiting for the pumpkin i had just painted to dry i looked at my phone and noticed that my friend Lauren had called and texted me an hour before, i looked at the text first and it was a link to a funeral homes website in NC. As soon as it loaded i started  shaking, it was a picture of him and that sweet little generic paragraph they write in every obituary. It was so unbelievable to me and still is. I literally kept saying out loud ” i don’t believe it, i don’t believe it” over and over again in my room where i thought I’d be going to bed shortly after pumpkin painting.  I called a few of my other coworkers and friends that Jordan was close to and we met at one of the bars he used to go to. It was really fucking sad, that’s what i have to say about it in laymans. To lose someone who was so special and kind feels so wrong and i don’t like or accept negativity these days but that’s how i feel. The only solace i have is that Jordan was  already perfect, we all still have so much to learn. He always looked on the bright side and wasn’t afraid to follow his dreams. It used to annoy me whenever i heard people talking about someone who passed on say ‘ oh he was the nicest guy, always had a smile on his face’ but in this case ITS FUCKING TRUE!! Its too true actually and that’s the only way i can breathe easy about him not being with us physically anymore, he was already an angel. Its really hard to believe (here’s the part where i cry, damn you Amy for suggesting i write about this and also thank you) that he’ll never call me Nefertitties again or tell me that i look beautiful today, he’ll never swoon at me doing my shoulder dance and we’ll never sit on the swing on his front porch again talking about our bruised hearts and dreams for the future, it really sucks. I don’t fancy myself a lucky person but i hit the jackpot in meeting you, we are so fortunate at Homeslice to have you as a part of our family. This has made us all realize how much we really love each other and  to reach  out to each other as much as possible and obnoxiously express our love even more to anyone we care about. Jordan you’ve touched us all whether inappropriate or not is irrelevant and all the memories i have with you will make me smile until i die, you’ll be in my heart forever friend, i love you.

Petal Porn .4

You’re bated breath can now be soothed, it is time to share my lovely foliage with you. Its been a few weeks because the carnations i previously posted didn’t falter for  3 weeks, apparently that’s what they do. This week it was my roommate who is hosting these beautiful flowers in her room. They are so exotic, bold, and exaggerated for every reason,  the star of the show, the belle of the field, captivating with no apprehension. Unapologetically confident is the best way to describe this plant, can i be this flower?

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Petal Porn .3

Its that special time of the week where i share my lovely foliage friends with you guys, I know you’ve all been on baited breath. This week its lovely carnations, they have lasted me almost 3 weeks and i still don’t see many signs of wilting. I love how they’re naturally two-toned, giving them a natural shade of purple and white with their long skinny stems holding them up, makes me think of an ant holding up a bread crumb weighing more than twice the size of them, nature is so fascinating you guys!

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Petal Porn .2

Another dose of petal porn for your eyeballs! This week its lovely sunflowers, July’s flower and my third favorite flower behind calla lilies and gladiolas. One of my favorite things about sunflowers is their long thick stem so you don’t need many of them to make a bouquet, also they’re so big and bold that you don’t need many to make a statement.
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Petal Porn

I started thinking a few days ago to post pictures of the flowers i get each week to brighten and cuten (not currently a word in Merriam-Websters…..yet) up my room to this blog. For almost 2 years now when i write out my grocery list i always add flowers to it because i realized that they really raise my morale, so maybe these lovey pictures will raise yours too. DSC_0306 DSC_0308 DSC_0311 DSC_0312
Wow this the lowest word count I’ve ever had. My 4th grade English teacher would be relieved because back then i wouldn’t  stop asking for extra paper because i always wanted to write a novel about every subject we went over in class. Remember those cheap-feeling yellow pieces of paper that were impossible to  erase anything off of??!! Enough about Baltz Elementary, what kind of flowers are these anyway? Does it even matter?  Nope! Because they are JUST.

MIND THE GAP

So, its been awhile and I am beyond embarrassed, its not that I haven’t had any inspiration to write, its me, as usual, getting in my own way like i always do. I’m  constantly making excuses why not to post, like I’ll be up all night, or that i wont be able to type because i spilled water on my keyboard, but its really because i am so nervous and self conscious that i become a coward and do nothing instead which is the worst thing you could ever do. So please mind the wide gap between my last post and this one, take a long stride to the other side with me. I recently just got back from a trip and even though its cliche there’s certain emotions that only traveling can evoke, feelings that are strictly exclusive to being somewhere unfamiliar, seeing something old but new to you, the unavoidable bizarre experiences, and of course the little things you learn about yourself when you dare to step out into this great big world. Shall we?

2 years ago my friend Patrice came to visit me in Austin for the weekend, when she came in my room she looked around and noticed my passport sitting on my bookshelf and said ” Your passport has dust on it”. I will never forget those words, i never want anyone to ever say that to me again so when my friend Regina invited me to London i knew this was my chance to give my passport a good polishing.

The only other place Ive been to in Europe is Amsterdam and that was only for a couple days so i knew this would be a totally different experience because Id have a lot more time and i actually know someone in London which is  so wild to me still. Something i didn’t expect was that traveling international as a passenger is so annoying, in previous years i had the luxury of being a crew member but it does feel nice to not be on stand by.

I was fascinated by London immediately because i love a big city and London is not just a big city, its a metropolis, a major hub for all types of people, people who drive on the other side of the car and street!

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Took me a few days to get used to looking left when crossing the street.

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Touristy time! Don’t you love it?! sigh, it wasn’t really a question.

Buckingham Palace

Buckingham Palace

i get calls from all over the world

i get calls from all over the world

West End girl

West End girl

London Eye

London Eye

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bobbies!

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the clock tower of all clock towers, besides the one from Back to the Future of course

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tubular

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Portobello Road

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Tower Bridge which i always thought was London Bridge, either way they’re both standing upright

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i may or may not have walked across this street mimicking a popular photo some musicians took a few decades ago later realizing that i in fact walked in the opposite direction that the musicians walked in in their photo which would be totally embarrassing if i did it, so yeah London's cool!

i may or may not have walked across this street mimicking a popular photo some musicians took a few decades ago later realizing that i in fact walked in the opposite direction that the musicians walked in in their photo which would be totally embarrassing if i actually did it, so yeah…….. London’s cool!

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Sight seeing is nice but the real reason i was there was to celebrate my friend and her new bride. I couldn’t believe that i was in London in the first place, but going to a wedding reception on a boat on the River Thames? Wild.

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CHEERS!

Friendship is something special.

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DSC_0528                                                                                                                                                After spending almost a week in London having a great time and meeting so many awesome people i ventured off to Paris by myself. Although traveling alone is nothing new i felt surprisingly apprehensive, i was having such a good time in London i didn’t want to leave. As soon as the train stopped and i went outside it really hit me that i was in a foreign country, everything looks and feels different. I took a cab to my hotel which was in Montmare, unloaded and ventured out to roam. DSC_0769

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Paris isn’t too big, especially compared to London so i mostly walked everywhere i went, besides i was way too nervous to try to take the subway. I bought a map which was kind of helpful but the streets are so windy that it was really hard to follow, it also didn’t help that almost every time i took out my map it had to be obnoxiously upside down so I’d have to flip it around. I’ve never felt so American than i did when i was in France.

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I know its really cliche but I’ve been waiting to see the Eiffel Tower forever you guys and its been waiting to see me too. This structure is one of the few things that in my opinion has lived up to my expectations which are naturally pretty high when visiting a site that’s known to be iconic. This intricate piece of architecture definitely pleased this fastidious female.

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My second day in Paris was spent doing one of my absolute favorite things, roaming around looking at shit and taking pictures of it, preferably street art!

SPACE INVADER!!!!

SPACE INVADER!!!!

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Gregos Art! I didn’t even know he was based in Paris and then i come across this! A pleasant surprise.

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Something i didn’t expect to see was the Love Lock Bridge! I just read a few months earlier that they were taking the locks off because they were weighing the bridge down too much and although  a decent amount have been taken off its still very saturated with lovers locks, awwwwww.

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I felt extremely lonely in Paris, maybe its because i was having such a good time in London, maybe its because is such a romantic place and  i was alone, or maybe i just wasn’t feeling it. I got a really cold vibe  when i was there and I’m not talking about the weather. Paris  reminded me of a stunningly beautiful person that doesn’t have to be nice, it wouldn’t matter if they were or not or how smart they are or how talented because their looks are so striking its the only thing anyone is ever going to talk about. I absolutely loved the scenery, its right out of a fairy tale but as physically appeasing as it was i couldn’t wait to get back to London. Desperately trying to get out of France was never something i thought would be a problem in my life but it turned out to be when the Eurostar canceled all trains to London the day i was leaving  because of a strike. The train station was crazy to say the least, they told us to get a hotel and come back tomorrow and the only information they  gave us a piece of paper with a french phone number on it to call which was useless to me since my phone didn’t work in Paris at all. I was flabbergasted and beyond frustrated. I had no idea what to do, i didn’t want to spend money on a hotel another night and they said the train station was closing at 11:00, i didn’t think train stations closed at all. I bonded with this nice African couple and we ended up getting rooms in the same hotel across the street from the station, 2 of the last rooms in the city, no other hotels had any vacancies because of this nonsense. After we settled in our rooms we went back over to the station to try to get some answers, i didn’t want to go to sleep that night not having an assigned seat back to London the next day. I tried to be a nice normal person which i learned gets you nowhere, i now know that to get what you deserve and whats fair you pretty much have to be a gangster, at Gare Du Nord station in Paris at least, I’m sure it applies to everyday life as well (note to self). When the man i was with who was a lawyer by the way started talking to the manager about their terms and conditions all of a sudden they had tickets right then and there for the next day. Wow Eurostar, very shocking, now what about all the families with children and the elderly people who are SOL because of your incompetence. They were selling brand new tickets at the counter but wouldn’t exchange ours until the next day for some odd reason, so we were stranded in a foreign country, unable to use our phones and were told there wasn’t a public one in the building. Thank all the gods for the people i met, they really took care of me. I’ll never forget them and how much they helped me, a stranger, out. The travel industry can be very unpredictable and unforgiving  and traveling abroad can be a doozy, alone or not. Next time i need to make sure i have more flexibility in my schedule and a lot more euros just in case i ever get stuck in purgatory, i mean Paris again. I overheard someone say they couldn’t exchange their ticket until 3 days later!

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Au Revoir Paris! Cheers London!

Back in London i couldn’t wait to  drink some tea, take a walk, and enjoy my last couple of days in this awesome city. Where i was fortunate enough to stay was near Hackney Wick, but i also roamed around Shoreditch, Camden Town, and Nottinghill.

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So here’s where I’m supposed to sum my experience up and talk about what I’ve learned about myself right? Well i don’t know if its for a lifetime or a season but i have learned that even though i am naturally a loner i really want to start sharing more experiences with other people. I had fun in London riding the London Eye and seeing Westminster Abbey but my favorite memories were hanging out with the awesome people i was so fortunate to meet, i truly enjoyed just being with everyone. I wanted to do so much more initially but after being there a few days i realized that i don’t need to run around and drive myself crazy trying to do and see so much, i can have a great time drinking tea, eating biscuits and having a laugh with someone.

Cheers London!

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My Rocky Road to Inspiration

I’ve never been much of a nature girl wooo! (Rick Flair reference anyone? Nature Boy?……*crickets*moving on) but i love natural beauty. I had never even heard of Rocky Mountain National Park until a coworker suggested i go. I love suggestions when i travel, some of the best places I’ve been to have been recommendations.IMG_7311

The ride was almost as beautiful as the destination.

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It was National Park Service 98th birthday so we got in free!

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Greetings

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this rock is forming into a mighty fine stone

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While Eileen went to go meditate i took a measly wimpy 2 mile hike to Alberta Falls, i don’t remember walking downhill so much on my way there because the way back felt like i was climbing a mountain. I did happen to run into some adorable animals and everyone i passed greeted me with a smile that tickled my heart.

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The hike to Bear Lake was equally as beautiful! I even found some art deep in the woods!

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Bear Lake

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The clear water has bacteria in it because of animal feces so humans can’t drink it.

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I sat on a rock at this lake (ridiculous i know) for a long time and i was really thankful i brought my journal with me. I’m often frustrated because there is always something I’m longing for. I know i am fortunate but my heart has infinite desire when it comes to traveling and always will. Before this trip for some reason i felt like i couldn’t write, i had so much in my head and in my heart that i felt like i was going to burst but for some reason i just wouldn’t write. It was the first time i had experienced some sort of creative blockage. I love going on trips but  I thought it was kind of corny that i would go on a trip and voila i can write again but it happened.  I was in awe sitting there, the sun shining , dragonflies buzzing, mountains looming, i don’t think Ive ever written surrounded by so much natural beauty before. I felt a surge of purpose, the sun was so bright i should of should of worn shades but to hell with being comfortable, i needed to see everything before me, my future. On our way back to Boulder we stopped in the adorable town of  Estes Park to eat some comfort food and play a mean game of Pac Man. Two weeks before this trip i had no idea where i was going, all i knew was that my high school reunion was cancelled and i knew didn’t want to go home. Eileen had serendipitously taken the same days off work and we decided to visit to ‘Colorful Colorado’. An amazing place to share an experience, bask in natural beauty, and sigh your heart out…..all while using a fake name that you keep forgetting when introducing yourself, sigh! Good Times Colorado, good times.

Bababa Boulder

 Bold (adjective)- a person, action, or idea showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous.

Bold is such a strong word. When i hear it i think big, standing your ground, being absolutely sure with  no apologies and  full of nerve, i could stand to be more of those things.   Me and Amy, ahem Eileen and Janell (our alias’/middle names) spent our last 3 days in the Mountain Time Zone in Boulder, CO. Much anticipated, Boulder is beautiful with pine trees, mountains, and cute homeless guys, Eileen found 2 husbands!

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The Pearl St Mall and all its adorableness for your family friendly shenanigans

Theres the Pearl St Mall and all its adorableness to fulfill all your family friendly needs

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Eileen, the apple of my eye

Eileen, the apple of my eye

The Flat Iron Mountains are very beautiful, of course we’re taking the scenic route.

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Whats a girl to do when shes in the moutains….have a photo shoot duh!

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After i pick my wedgie

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Yes i am the warrior, victory is mine!

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shits n’ giggles

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and meet spirit animals!

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One of the friendliest dogs Ive ever met!

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Me and Eileen met so many inspiring  animals on this trip, this sweet puppy and beautiful cat, bees, chipmunks, bunny  rabbits, dragonflies, beavers, spiders, i even had a sleepover with a moth 2 nights in a row. Eileen had a book that described what each animal met to us.

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she wears her heart on her foot

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Colorado, known for being one of the most beautiful states is also known for legalizing marijuana, these dispensaries are throughout downtown Denver and Boulder. Now  I’m known to be square but I’m a “When in Rome”  kinda girl so i had to partake, the stores are really nice, they have something like a front room/lobby kind of deal where you go in and then to be let in to where all the good stuff is you have to show ID. I’m not a smoker of anything, lets just say i’d rather chew than inhale.

I may or may not have went streaking that night as a result of something i got from the dispensary.....the hills are alive!

I may or may not have went streaking that night as a result of something i got from the dispensary, now that’s bold…..the hills are alive!

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What  does make the Mile High City so unique,  well i learned that there’s no air conditioning in some places because it never really gets too hot, there’s a lot more of a selection of guys #Menver and  there’s these really awesome pianos on the 16th street mall open to the public to  sit and and let your inner Mozart out!

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Whenever i take a walk, especially in a new city i consciously don’t put headphones in my ears and i don’t like to talk on the phone because i want to hear and feel where I’m am so that’s why i got such a kick out of all the random pianos out on the street, these everyday people keep  Denver sounding so lovely and its much appreciated.

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Dun Dun DUN DUNNNN……

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Street Art is just something that Ive accepted as a gift from the universe, it doesn’t matter where i am i will find it or it will find me but yarn bombs are kind of new to me. Like graffiti you wonder how? when? also how long it took? You don’t  actually  sit and knit it right there do you? ….right? Either way its adorbs!

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I also ate at a pizza place that had some awesome graffiti as well. The Pie Hole is one of those places  you go after the bar closes to get a slice or 2 and just hang out, its on South Broadway which is kind of like the east side of Austin.

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I don’t care for sports at all but there’s something about a stadium that fascinates me. I was roaming by Coors Field taking pictures and saw that they had a home game that following evening! #takemeouttotheballgame

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wearing a baseball shirt! it was fate!

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Look how happy she is!

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my husband

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so this is actually a thing?

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Later that night me and Amy got back to our hostel and hung out with a guy that was staying there named Chris, we hung out in the room for a little bit when we saw that the police were in the hallway, apparently this guy that was also staying there called them because his roommate was cleaning a gun and acting questionable. It blew over so Amy went to bed and me and Chris went out, we were on the hunt for a bar but ended up just walking around all night talking about traveling and drinking  slurpees. We found our way back and as i was laying down i couldn’t stop thinking about how the past 2 days were so much fun,  i also couldn’t stop coughing. I was drowning myself in water and nothing was working, i thought i was having an allergic reaction to the fabric on the sheets but whatever it was i just wanted it to let up so i could sleep, i could also hear someone else in the hallway coughing. The next morning me and Amy got up early to check out so we could head to Boulder when we saw Chris in the lobby and he told us that the crazy gun cleaning guy shot pepper spray in his roommates eyes in the middle of the night and everyone had to evacuate because the police came again! (Everyone except me and Amy  who never heard the banging that allegedly took place on our door.) So yeah that happened, the whole night I’m thinking I’m allergic to some dust or something and its pepper spray from 4 doors down, if it affected me that much i can’t imagine someone spraying it right in my face. Must be a doozy, off to get affected by something else in the Centennial State. Deuces Denver, hey Boulder!